No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
