Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize