fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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