I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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