very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
