textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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