I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
