Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
