There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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