That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
