Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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