I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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