god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
