May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
