Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
