Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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