eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
