If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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