Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
