swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
it glows. i had to have it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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