She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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