Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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