Can i not drive my cunt home
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize