friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
