What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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