im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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