you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
whose parrot is this?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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