I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
