woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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