So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
