that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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