Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
