i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
