I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
