I must be too annoying 4 u.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
