if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
