We named our party play list daddy issues
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
