"it" just moved
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
