i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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