I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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