Your face is a jimmy john
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
