Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
