theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
