I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
