$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
