Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
