I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
