I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
