my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
