I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
