I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
