I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
