My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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