I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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