We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
