My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
