last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So squirting runs in the family.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
