I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
