i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
