The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
