Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
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she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
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Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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