from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize