The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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