k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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