i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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