I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
