New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
