I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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