I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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